The Journey Begins
I recently stepped away from hosting my mental health podcast, "Reality Dreamers." This venture forced me to confront my own demons and delve deep into self-discovery. Being a hearing-impaired individual with limited male friendships, life was often an uphill battle. I found solace in fantasy, video games, and anime—a way to escape the relentless negative thoughts in my head. Connecting with others was a challenge; expressing myself and fitting in seemed like an unattainable goals. Yet, deep down, I yearned for genuine connections beyond my family.
A Battle Within
There were battles I fought, demons I wrestled with. At times, I never believed I'd make it past the age of 30. Suicide felt like the answer to all my struggles and fears. I even made a pact with myself to go through with it. I attempted four times but couldn't bring myself to do it, each time overthinking it. This indecision turned out to be a blessing rather than a curse. Thirty seemed like the age to end it all.
As I write this, tears well up in my eyes. I haven't had those tormenting thoughts in three years now. I've found a profound sense of peace with who I am. I've surrounded myself with positivity—positive people, experiences, events, and situations. At thirty-one, I've shifted my focus towards my goals, dreams, and acknowledging my accomplishments.
Gratitude for Life's Gifts
I'm immensely grateful for the family I have, for friends who have become family, for the friends who have come and gone, for strangers open to conversations, and for experiences that, although painful, have sculpted me into a better person. I am thankful for the gift of life that God has granted me.
The Gym and Mental Health
About five years ago, I embarked on my gym journey, and it became a turning point. The gym provided me with a foundation of building blocks when I had no idea where life was taking me. My motivation? To attain a physique reminiscent of Dragon Ball Z characters, like Prince Vegeta. I wanted to be strong, to protect myself from pain, to be there for my loved ones. The iron bar, I realized, was not just for physical benefits but also a sanctuary for my mental health.
Therapy: A Lifeline
I've been in therapy on and off for about 18 years. In the last three years, I've been fortunate to have a therapist who has broken through to me. I cried uncontrollably during our sessions, often sleeping excessively. But therapy has been my lifeline, helping me confront deep-seated issues and overcome them.
Embracing Gratitude and Love
Today, a tidal wave of overwhelming gratitude washes over me. I've made it, lived longer than I ever thought possible. I'm here, present, loving, and loved. I'm chasing my goals and nurturing my dreams. I have friends who are family, a gym community that uplifts each other, and a wealth of experiences, including love and self-love.
Spreading Love and Kindness
In my tears, I've told multiple people I love how grateful I am. It's crucial to express kindness and love to one another regularly. I've realized that spreading love and kindness is my purpose, to bring sunshine on a cloudy day and to remind those I cherish that they matter.
A New Beginning
Fast forward to today, 01/13/2024. I don't exactly know how it happened, but I've realized I made it out alive. I defeated the pact I once made with myself. I'm here, making dreams happen. Maybe my purpose is to spread love and kindness to others' hearts. To show that vulnerability is strength. To emphasize that men's mental health matters, and we will figure life out. Let love and gratitude into your life, and witness the transformation. I don’t ever listen to rap but I stumbled upon Kid Laroi’s music recently
One of my favorite lyrics from the song Tragic are below.
“Don't tell me what I've been through, you don't know. Made it out the mud, with or without you, I'm good. Did it for my lil' bro, just to show him one day you couldI did this for my mama 'cause I told her one day I would”
Take action steps in your world, because suffering leads to growth, and when we have each other, we have everything.
#MensMentalHealth #SelfLoveJourney #OvercomingDemons #MentalHealthMatters #ExpressYourself #LoveAndKindness #GratitudeAttitude #InnerStrength #VulnerabilityIsStrength #DreamChaser #PositiveMindset #EmotionalHealing #TherapyJourney #LifeTransformation #SpreadLove #YouAreNotAlone 🌟💪🧡
